In the End
by Amethystia
Summary: Song fic to Linkin' Park's "In the End." Sirius and Remus (changes POV's) lament over James and Lily's deaths and related incidents. PG for language and certain emotions.


~Summary: Song fic to Linkin' Park's "In the End." Sirius and Remus (changes POV's) lament over James and Lily's deaths and related incidents.  
~A/N: I was feeling rather sappy when I wrote this (forgive me heh). The lyrics from the song are marked with '\\' and closed with '//'; kind of like a quotation-esque concept.  
~Disclaimer: I think now we all know J.K. Rowling owns all HP goodness. Bet you'd have never guess that Linkin' Park owns the song "In the End." (sarcasm, yes)  
~PG for some language; you'd have a potty mouth if your friends died, too.  
  
  
~In the End~  
By: Amethystia  
  
\\It's starts with one thing  
I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
keep that in mind  
I designed this rhyme  
To explain in due time...  
All I know...//  
  
I showed up at their house too late; I had that sinking feeling all day. Why the *hell* didn't I listen to myself then? No, I had to try and write it off as me just being jumpy about them having to hide.  
  
I always believed that even Peter, as spineless and gullible as he was, wouldn't dare do such a thing. I guess that just proves I put too much trust in wizard-kind. It seemed so perfect: who'd have ever thought that Peter would be made their secret-keeper? All along, that sniveling, tag-along, fuck-face was relaying information to Voldemort. Do you know what it's like to live with that on your conscience? Then, Remus -- I thought it was Remus who was the traitor. God...  
  
I can't help but break down at the thoughts of how I had my friends laughing at my jokes, recalling our years at Hogwarts, and then, only a couple of hours later, they were all ripped away from me. How? Why? Well, I'm still waiting for those answers.  
  
Leaving in the wake of all this -- this horror, a little boy. I wanted to take care of Harry so badly, but no, others saw to it that he went to those wretched Muggles. I couldn't even do the decency of fullfilling James and Lily's wishes for him. Only shoving the knife deeper into my already bleeding heart.  
  
\\Time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away  
It's so unreal...  
Didn't look out below   
Watch the time go right out the window   
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know   
Wasted it all just to watch you go...  
I kept everything inside and even though I tried,   
it all fell apart   
What it meant to me will eventually   
be a memory of a time when...//  
  
Naturally, I wouldn't let it be there. How could that guilty son of a bitch run free? I was going to show him or -- at least that's what *I* thought.  
  
I showed up in a busy Muggle street, after him. He quickly pushed upon the impression that I had still been the secret-keeper, trying to look courageous. He *dared* to ask me why I betrayed James and Lily -- my best fucking friends! Instantly, I started after him, preparing to curse that cowardice shell of a human, but he beat me to it; pulling one of the greatest scams, faking his death, killing innocent Muggles, and leaving me for the blame...  
  
I laughed hysterically as Ministry officials arrested me; they saw it as a lack of remorse, of course. What I saw it as was grief in its own sense and awe at the fact of innocent people suffering even damn more.  
  
Of course, it didn't surprised me in the least when I was sent off to Azkaban. While it was just another Hell there, my life was Hell anyway without James and Lily. The pain of grief was so new to me. What did I have to live out there for anyway?  
  
But I held on and broke out. Even though I've been out for years now (on the run, of course) and Voldemort has risen again with Peter *still* at his side, I hold these feelings inside of me. I don't think they'll ever fully go away, not until *they* do.  
  
\\I tried so hard   
And got so far   
But in the end   
It doesn't even matter   
I had to fall   
To lose it all   
But in the end   
It doesn't even matter//  
  
(A/N: now switching to Remus's POV)  
  
I just couldn't believe it. James? Lily? GONE? What happened to my world that had always been so perfect? What happened indeed! Sirius seemed to have known something that day. Why didn't I pay attention? This could've all been avoided.  
  
I found out the next morning, as I recall, as Albus Dumbledore had Apparated outside of my door. He just looked at me, his usually-shimmering eyes so bland and almost dead. I could guess that it involved James and Lily, but not -- death.  
  
When he did tell me, confirming something only from my wildest nightmares, I couldn't grasp onto what was real. There were the swear words, then the sobbing fits, then the self-blame. I was spiralled into grief even further as I found out that Sirius had betrayed them...*us.* He had killed Peter, betrayed James and Lily, and killed innocent Muggles -- when was this cruel joke going to end. Then, poor, poor Harry...the pain he'd have to grow up with!  
  
\\One thing, I don't know why   
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
keep that in mind   
I designed this rhyme  
to explain in due time   
I tried so hard//  
  
I followed Sirius's trial closely. I didn't know whether to feel remorse, hatred, or both. I didn't even know if I wanted to feel at all. They were all my friends -- what happened to the reality I held so dear? What happened to all those full moons with my friends by my side? What happened to the laughter and confessions with shared amongst each other?  
  
Just when I thought my life hit an ultimate low, I began teaching at Hogwarts when Sirius had escaped from Azkaban. Finding out he was innocent; the relief it brought me. But at the same time, pain, guilt, hatred, anger; all things so uncharacteristic of me. Knowing it was really Peter -- who I'd thought to be dead.  
  
\\In spite of the way you were mocking me   
Acting like I was part of your property   
Remembering all the times you fought with me   
I'm surprised it got so far...  
Things aren't the way they were before   
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore   
Not that you knew me back then   
But it all comes back to me (in the end)...  
You kept everything inside and even though I tried  
it all fell apart   
What it meant to me will eventually   
be a memory of a time when I...//  
  
Now, I can't say that things will ever be okay in my life; no one can replace the people I've lost. But having new-found truths and seeing Harry, resembling James so much, I can almost deal with it. Almost.  
  
However, there's a war coming. Voldemort is at the peak of his power again, still with Peter at his side. But I know that not Sirius, Harry, nor I will rest until they pay. Not even if it means a life for millions of others.  
  
\\tried so hard..//  
  
A/N: *looks around and waves to you* I'm not quite sure how I feel about this fic. Feedback appreciated. 


End file.
